My EX doesn’t seem to really want parenting time…
Question: My EX doesn’t seem to really want parenting time. Most of the time when our kids are with him, he is off on a date and leaves our children with a sitter. What should I do? I’d rather they be with me if he’s not going to spend quality time with them.
Answer: This is unfortunately, a common issue. For better or worse, parents build or destroy their own relationships with their children.
The short answer is that children are always watching, listening and drawing their own conclusions about their parents: Who acts with integrity? Who truly loves them unconditionally? Who says one thing and does another? Whom do I want to emulate when I grow up? (do I want to be just like my mom or dad ?)
Additionally, the answer depends on the kind of working relationship you have with the other parent. If you communicate well and are cooperatively co-parenting with your EX, you may feel comfortable just letting the other parent know that your child is feeling a bit left out.
You might even offer to keep the children if the other parent has plans for the weekend, or trade weekends if the other parent has conflicts.
Mature, working relationships that exist without conflict are always best for the children to witness; but be careful not to turn this into an enabling situation where you are constantly switching to accommodate the other parents simple “whims.”
If the situation is more heated or even hostile, and the other parent is constantly leaving your child with a sitter or even alone, then it’s best to seek legal advice.
Contributor Toby Rhine is licensed in guidance and family counseling. As a middle and high school counselor she interacts with young adults on a daily basis. Mrs. Rhine counsels the YWCA’s children’s divorce recovery groups. She also serves as “divorce parent” facilitator for Marion County Courts in Oregon — where she resides.