What to say to your kids about school shootings:
School shootings, lockdowns and other gun safety drills…the topics are difficult. Below are a few questions we gathered from school counselors across the nation, to help you get the conversation started with your school aged child or teen. (For teens scroll further below.)
1-Sad 2-No feeling 3-Ok 4-Super Happy
Tip: Draw a series of faces as seen above: sad, no feeling, ok, and super happy. Or use numbers from 1 to 4 — 4 being happiest. Using the numbers or faces ask a series of questions and let the child point to where their feelings fall.
Take your time and seen how comfortable they are after the first question. For example, after the first answer, simply say, “You chose 3– tell me more about that.” And then just listen. Tell yourself this: “Listen to learn, not respond.”
When you see a lower number in response to a question: (say a 1 or 2) then ask the child, “What do you think would have to happen for you to feel a 3?” Children actually feel relieved when someone else takes the lead to help them identify their feelings — and let them out.
- How safe do you feel at home?
- How safe do you on the playground?
- How safe do you feel in your classroom?
- How prepared do you feel if there was a fire at school? an earthquake? a person who means to cause harm?
- What is your biggest fear right now? About anything?
- What do you need from me to feel okay?
Seek a school counselor or a licensed mental health professional if your child expresses a high level of concern.
Questions for Middle Schoolers and High Schoolers:
Tip: When asking your older child questions try doing something active such as walking, washing a car or shopping to “break the ice.”
Start it however you can…maybe a “Can I ask you a question?” If your tween or teen says, “no” then say “ok” and leave it at that. (Come back to it later.) If your child says, “yes” then proceed.
- School shootings have been in the news, so how safe do you feel around school?
- How safe do you feel in the classroom?
- How do you feel when they do the lockdown drills?
- How likely do you think a shooting could occur at your school?
- Have you ever wondered about any kids you don’t know personally who attend your school? Why?
- If a shooting occurs at your school — what should we do? Any ideas of an emergency plan? How would we get in touch with each other?
- What do you need from me…to feel secure?