Question: What do I say when my child asks, “Do you still love daddy?”
Answer: There are just as many answers to this as there are children asking it. They could be asking:
“Do you love me?”
“Is it okay for me to love daddy (or mommy)?”
“Are you ever going to get back together again?”
“Daddy has a new girlfriend. What do you think of that?”
Answer age-appropriately and honestly. Go for simplicity.
One possibility is to simply reflect back to the question: “Do I love daddy? You wonder about that?” (Now wait patiently.) Often, after a bit of silence the child will chime in and answer with added information. i.e. Your child might respond, “Yes, you love daddy because Daddy says he never stopped loving you.” or “No, daddy doesn’t love you anymore because he has a new friend.”
Another very honest answer from you might be, despite what you think of the other parent: “I love that daddy and I had you. You are the greatest gift anyone could have ever given me.” This is also a good time to extol the other parent’s virtues. “And I love that you have his beautiful eyes (great sense of humor, musical talent, athletic ability, good math sense, etc.) OR “I love that daddy and I chose you for adoption. Best choice of our lives!” It is important for your child to know he or she was and still is a joyful and happy choice!
Contributor Toby Rhine is licensed in guidance and family counseling. As a middle and high school counselor she interacts with young adults on a daily basis. Mrs. Rhine counsels the YWCA’s children’s divorce recovery groups. She also serves as “divorce parent” facilitator for Marion County Courts in Oregon — where she resides.