Q & A

Q: What should I do when my child comes back from parenting time with my EX and tells me things he/she has said about me that are mean-spirited or lies?

A: First, take a deep breath and remain calm outside even if you are screaming with choice words on the inside.  Refrain from, “WHAT?! Why, that lying ______.  You know that’s not true!” because your child does already know the truth.  Your actions, consistent support and integrity speak much louder than any lies anyone could ever tell your child.

Start with, “________, I’m so sorry. It must have really hurt to hear that.  How did that make you feel?  Do you want to talk about it?” Or if they are younger, grab paper and crayons and ask, “I wonder if you would like to draw how that makes you feel.  I know it helps me sometimes.”  Then you may proceed to draw concrete (a crying heart?) or abstract (sharp, angry lines?) how it makes you feel to hear mean words and lies.  Most importantly, try to listen to their feelings and praise them afterward: “Thank you for sharing.  I love you and always want to hear everything you have to say.  Sometimes talking about things can make you feel better.”