With divorce, separation, child custody issues and other family law concerns sometimes a mediator is the best way to go; however, before choosing a mediator it’s best to first consider the PROS and CONS that go along with mediation. Mediation rules vary from state to state.
MEDIATOR PROS:
1. Save time & money: If mediation works, it could save time and money:
Mediation means bypassing the formal process of divorce court. This shortens the process for all involved and helps minimize the caseload of the Family Court System, and it’s much more affordable than both parties hiring lawyers.
2. Confidential: In many states, mediation is a confidential process, whereas divorce court is public. IE. There is no court reporter taking down every word said. So you don’t have to worry about your “dirty laundry” being aired in public.
3. Management: The mediator sets the tone for the negotiations, trying to create an atmosphere favorable to discussion.
An effective mediator will manage “posturing” from both sides. This means, the mediator will discourage intimidation, threats or ultimatums. The mediator will remind both of you to take a more co-operative approach.
4. Mediation can be effective even when anger is high: Some people are concerned that they will not be able to negotiate effectively with the other party if there are anger issues. But with a trained mediator, the parties can trust that they are not going to be abused or taken advantage of by the other party. A strong mediator will control the room. (In some states, such as Oregon both parties don’t even have to be present in the same room.)
5. Prevent legal oversights: Even after mediation, some mediators recommend using an additional attorney to review divorce documents (i.e. the Agreement, or the Memorandum of Understanding) before its FINAL signing. This assures you protection from any legal oversights during the mediation. Think of it as a “double check.”
MEDIATOR CONS:
1. Some mediations require that you mediate in front of your EX. (Check your state’s mediation requirements.) If you are suffering from a high conflict separation, divorce or on-going issues, sometimes the confrontation even while in front of an impartial mediator may be too much for you to handle. Can you survive in a room with this person long enough to negotiate?
2. Negotiations just don’t work: If you or EX is unavailable or unwilling to negotiate, mediation will not work. It’s that simple.
3. Costly with no outcome: Mediation can become costly if bickering continues back and forth between both parties, and there are no outcomes.
Put simply, do you know your EX well enough to know how he/she will act through mediation?
Mediation, if done correctly can save money and result in favorable outcomes for all involved. On the other hand, if the situations are not favorable for mediation — then perhaps you should consider your own legal representation.